Dear Diary, waking the dead seems easier than waking up a sleeping teenager. I dread the morning ritual of waking up my teenage daughter. I don’t know if it’s all the Vampire movies but I am starting to think it’s real. When I turn on her light, she screams in holy terror at me and I swear I see her skin smoking from the light melting her face. I turn off the light immediately and I hear a voice, a possessed voice say “Turn that light back on and your dead” It sounds just like Satan from the exorcist. I don’t get mad at my little princess because she must truly be possessed.
So I come back a few minutes later, not quit into the room in fear of a spinning head and the barfing of split pea soup on me. So I call out “time to wake up sunshine”. The voice shouts “I heard you the 1st time, get out of here, I not a baby, I know what time it is”. No cuss words this time, good news, I think the possession is starting to subside.
Now its 20 minutes before we need to leave so I grab my jar of holy water and crucifix and approach the room for the 3rd time. I call out; “Hey baby cakes, we really need to go soon or we are going to be late”. I duck in preparation to avoid flying objects, but nothing, no screaming,,, is that the shower I hear? She got up before the 3rd bell rang, all by herself, I swear I heard trumpets from heaven.
I then wait to see what comes out from the bathroom door, will it be a zombie with a thirst for eating my brains or my sweet pumpkin pie ready for a learned day of high school. The door creeks open and she says “Hi Daddy, I’ll be ready in 5 minutes” that’s 20 more minutes in Fat Dad years but I don’t care, my baby girl is back and the possession has lapsed for another day.
We pull up to the drop off area at school with one minute to spare but I take comfort that there is 20 cars behind me and I’m not the only one with a possessed teenager. My baby steps out of the car and I say “have a great day at School, I love you” and she replies “I love you too Daddy” as if to have no recollection of her morning possession. I then say, are you forgetting something, she quickly realizes and say’s “sorry about this morning,,, I was a little tired”. I could only fear,,, what will happen when she is truly exhausted.