Dear Diary, my two beautiful girls are starting down the road to finding a suitor, I am so frustrated as I tried to make them unsuitable since they were little girls. I spent hours teaching them to burp, fart and swear like a sailor. This apparently didn’t work because for some reason the boys keep calling.

So I will sharpen my knife collection, load special occasion ammunition and plot the many ways to make the boy who hurts my little girl, disappear. I have received a wonderful book from a great friend (Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date: 30 Minutes Man-To-Man by Dennis Rainey). I think every Fat Dad needs to interview his daughters’ future suitors. This might be a better road than going to prison. Who can blame a father’s emotional decision to slaughter all the boys who come knocking on the door?

The Book talks about, as a dad, you want to protect your daughter-especially from boys with super-charged hormones. Instead of reaching for a baseball bat, there is an alternative. Have a one-on-one conversation with every young man who’d like to take her out. This is more than an interview, it’s an opportunity; a chance to set the bar high, to hold your daughter’s date accountable for something precious. It’s even a chance to build into a young man-and your daughter-the value of a God-honoring relationship.

If this doesn’t work, show him your latest hunting kill and explain how you ran out of bullets and you had to take the animal down with your bare hands. Be strong Fat Dads, but remember, if they hurt our little girls; we have no problem spending time in prison.