Fat Dads come in all Shapes but one size, fat. They are usually a bit hairy and haven’t shaved their neck fuzz since their last haircut. When we got married and said I do, most of us lost our spine , but we talk a big game with our brethren. Then came the offspring that made us an official Dad and officially Fat. We can be tough on our kids when need be but in all honesty if we didn’t have disciplinarian wives, then who is going to be your kid’s favorite. That’s right were not that stupid, we know who’s going to take us in when we get old and Mom is going straight to the nursing home.
We have plenty of off colored ankle socks to go with our summer sandals with our faded but will never to throw away pro football shirt and khaki shorts, we be styling! There’s stains on my shirt but I’m not worried it is growing into a perfect shadow of Jesus and when it’s complete I am going to sell it on eBay for 10 million dollars. Yes that is my only retirement plan.
We have a recliner that has seen many naps, we like naps, we even like to naps at work, and you don’t get this Fat Dad frame by running marathons. The Dads that run these are not welcome here, what the hell is the matter with you anyways? Stop this madness, you are making all the Fat Dads look lazy, we just got most of the family fooled. They are convinced that getting the mail & taking out the garbage is cause for another nap.
So now you know who we are, be proud because we aren’t going anywhere. We are the Family Alpha, we have the big chair in the living room, we have the right to burp & fart in our own house, we say yes when Mom says no, we drive everywhere we go, we buy stupid stuff at the grocery store, we can fix anything without instructions, we watch sports, we watch chick flicks only to get lucky and we mow the damn yard. Yes my fellow Fat Dads never let them forget without you nobody could program the TV remote.